My Story
"The wound is where the light enters you."
- Rumi once said & there's no better way to sum up the journey that shaped me into the woman I am proud to be today.
From loosing my little brother when I was only 8 years old, being severely bullied at kindergarten & school, being hospitalized with major depression for the first time when I was only 13, to moving out of home at age 16 & breaking contact with my family for a while because of a deeply complex relational dynamic that required distance to have a chance to heal 10 years later down the line - I sure have faced my fair share of generational trauma.
I remember feeling so ashamed & broken deep down in my teens, like something was terribly wrong with me at the core & I was all alone in a big, scary world, completely overwhelmed with life & longing to die most days, because I was in so much pain. It was hell.
And yet, somewhere deep within me, there was this wise voice, whispering: "Go through the portal of this pain & you'll one day help others do the same. You'll write the hopeful stories so many need to hear, the kinds of stories that can only be trusted when they are told by someone who has alchemised pain into purpose, agony into art and trauma into triumph."
And so I surrendered to the suffering.
I made a choice to let this life crack me open. To take a leap of trust, even if the life I was living was not yet a life that felt worth living to me. What followed were over 10 years of therapy & deep dedication to my healing journey. I said to myself: "I don't need to know who I am yet or what I want to do with my life - My only job right now is to heal & learn to be okay." And so I did. In safe & supported spaces, I brought love to my painful past, gave space to all the feelings that needed to be felt & spent years developing self awareness, learning to speak to myself with love & care for my needs. I read every book from spiritual teachers I could get my hands on & began trusting my truth a little more every day. I found a deep, unwavering devotion within me that began carrying me through many profound spiritual initiations & awakenings.
Through A LOT of repetition, I slowly unraveled the stories of shame & separation that had shaped me early on & patiently wove a new way of being into my nervous system & brain chemistry. They say it takes 10.000 hours to master a skill - And it was a million & one choices to return to the practice again & again, day after day, year after year that eventually led me to a deeply rooted sense of peace, a vibrant connection with all of life & an ever expanding experience of grounded joy, sparkling aliveness & embodied purpose.
It was in the deepest suffering that I met my soul.
It was in the densest darkness that I awakened my light.
It was inside my broken open heart that I found my key to heaven and remembered the love I have always been.
But my journey wasn't all heartbreak, hardship & healing of course! (Though a majority of my early years was exactly that & I wouldn't have it any other way) - There was lots of magic & beautiful experiences that have shaped me too! Growing up with an incredible mother who managed to never damage the connection with the divine that I, like all children, came in with when I was born, I never had to go behind the veil of forgetting my own infinity like most other humans have to. I grew up around little altars all around our home, Neil Donald Walsh's "The little soul and the sun" read to me at bedtime & with parents who loved me deeply & who tried everything in their power to encourage me to be who I am right from the start. I got to go to a Waldorf school & my creativity was always supported & celebrated. I will forever be grateful for that!
Sometimes I wonder how I have lived through what feels like so many different lives in such a short amount of time - After school, I spent a whole year professionally doing music back in Munich & recorded & shared my songs on over 60 stages. I have worked as a waitress, a nanny, a professional party princess at kids birthdays, an event hostess dressed up as a vintage stewardess & in a full time job working in an amazing HR team in the corporate world for 3 years, collecting & developing so many different keys & skills before I fully found my calling, doing the work I do today, in love with my life and feeling more like myself than ever before.
I have met many Angels along my way who nurtured me whole again with the gift of their light & unconditional love, back when I had little to give... And I made a promise to myself to carry the torch forward & to one day pass on what I had received back then to others when my time came. Because like good old Rumi said:
"We are all just walking each other home."